Unprepared, But Ready

So I am back to the blog, rambling on as always. It has been a busy time for me these past couple of weeks. Since this is mainly a blog about Ironman and racing, I will start off with my upcoming race that I feel completely unprepared for, The St Jude Half Marathon. I started the training off really well and had some lofty goals, but life has since reared its head and reminded me that this is my hobby and other things have to come first.

I do not know why I do this every year, but I do. As you might know, I work in the glorious world of retail, and I am finally surrendering to the fact that Christmas sales and late season races do not mix. I always think that I can pull off training and still deal with the Black Friday schedule, which includes school and church activities plus time changes, cold temperatures and everything else one must account for. It is just a difficult time of year for me to hit my workouts, yet I still think I can. I think I have finally learned my lesson on this race.

This past 10 days have been crazy for me as well. My father got very sick and was even in the ICU unit for almost a week battling an infection that got into his bloodstream. This was a very scary time for my family. We went form taking him to the ER, to him joking with us as we left for the night expecting him to be kept one night to us being called at 5 AM telling us he was in ICU on a breathing machine. It was unreal! I was glad we were visiting my folks that weekend all this occurred (it was his Birthday and we celebrated Thanksgiving that Sat because of my work). Being three hours away did not make it any easier either. I felt like I needed to be in two places at once so many time this past week!

**I do want to thank all the friends and family that did pray for my father, either from FB, IG, or people who heard about his condition**

I am happy/relieved to know that he is finally cleared to go home after being in the hospital for over a week! Huge relief!

So after all that, and now traveling for work this week, I have a half marathon coming up Saturday that I am so not ready for. My last long run of 11 miles was about a month ago. It is so going to hurt on Saturday!

I am still going to run it. I am an Ironman!!!  Right?

I have just changed my expectations on this race. I want to run it and enjoy it, just be in the crowd around other athletes. I know a lot of people running this race and I admit, the competitor in me wants to smoke my friends, but I may be the smokee instead of the smoker this year. (sounds totally whack, but you get it). So I am totally ready for my butt to be kicked. Everything is OK in my world right now and if me not hitting a goal time is the worst I have it, then its fine by me!

On The Other Hand...

Recently I read a blog post about what to do when your PR's are behind, or basically "how are you going to handle the fact that you aren't as fast as you used to be?" This really got me thinking because I have already been struggling with this.

I know I will never be like the 25-35 year old JFORD when it comes to physical activity. I just won't. My body has changed over the years (knees and wrists are becoming issues) recovery takes me longer than it did, and I am sure if I go curl up in the corner and think about it, I could come up with more, so I won't. But it is true, I am getting older.

Granted I am only 43, but I have a lot of years of sports on these old bones. I have even told my wife that I think I have maybe one more year of trying to be competitive (my definition of competitive). So I have to ask myself this, are there anymore PR's in my future?

On one hand I say no, it's doubtful. I do not have the same drive, the same ego, or the same confidence in my body that I use to have. I think this is normal, that as we age our body change, but it could just be a mental thing as well. But I honestly do not see me going sub 20 on a 5K (not that I ever have before, but it was always a goal) AND I honestly do not see me going to get my aches and pains looked at by a doctor cause I am a big wuss and I am afraid of what they might say, so I just won't go and will deal with it. So I expect a few extra non scheduled rest days here and there out of necessity.

But on the other, I can totally see me setting a new PR in the IM I am racing this fall. Beside the fact that I am racing Brad D at Redman, I actually EXPECT to set a new PR at he 140.6 distance. (So I know this post sounds weird, going back and forth, but this is the way I am thinking right now.) So maybe I am just going to be a long distance guy going forward, cause let's be honest. The longer the race, the less people care about your time, just as long as you finish.

I know I can beat 15:53 on IM (and beat Brad in the process), but I know I will most likely not go under 22 in a 5K and I have to find a way to be OK with that. As I wrote in an earlier post, PR's are forever.

My Jerry McGuire Manifesto Post...

I want to talk about something that comes up quite abit this time of year. You can find it is the topic of blogs across the Internet and it is something that I  have a love/hate feeling about. I am speaking of setting goals for the upcoming year. What are my goals for 2012?  What do I want to accomplish?  What do I have to do to make me feel good about 2012? This is the question I am asking myself.

And I am not talking about life goals, (those are easy, and I will share those if you really want to know) but more specifically about race goals. See, I have found out that I am a much better trainer than I am a racer. I honestly do not think I hit a single race time goal in 2011. So I wonder if I just set to high of a goal for myself, or am I that blind to my abilities? I know that when I am running, I picture my self looking like Crowie running down the street all stoic and fierce, but in my race photos, it ain't even close. I look more like Sgt Pyle from Full Metal Jacket! So maybe I am delusional...

Now according to this statement I found on the Internet to the left, goal setting has to start out as a dream right? I mean, if I dream it, I can achieve it or some crap like that. Well, I am not sure this is Internet gold. I mean I have had some great dreams regarding my races, and I have taken actions only to have that goal explode in my face. So I think it takes more than just action. I do not really have dreams of being on the podium of the races I run, but I do want to say I bettered my time from last year. And that is something I have not been able to do in 2011. I honestly think I do not know how to realistically set a goal for a race. I tend to take a race and break it down something like this. I know I can run a 25 minute 5K, I biked 25 miles the other in 1:10 and I swam 1500 yards in 28 minutes, so my goal for this race is 2:03. Race time comes around and I am crossing the finish line in 2:15, which is way off. I know, I am simplifying things to much when it comes to making a race goal, but going into the race, why can't I finish in 2:03? Nothing is stopping me but myself. I tend to  become a math major in the middle of the race and I start calculating just how far off pace I am to hit my goal and I want to just say screw it, just finish, and then comes the walking part. I hate the walking part!

So what is the answer?  No clue actually. Maybe this year I set no goals when it comes to a race. Maybe I do not even wear a watch!  (I know this sounds crazy because we all love the gadgets don't we?) Maybe I run the races just for the fun of it. Maybe I should be happy that the simple fact of the matter is I did finish my first marathon, maybe I should just be happy that I had zero flats at Ironman Branson 70.3 this year and I finished. Maybe I shouldn't worry about being embarrassed about a 6 hour marathon (which I am )...

I do not think I am wired the right way to say I am going to run these races for fun. I like to compete. I like to compete against myself. I have to be willing to push myself to the point of it hurting. I do not care where the other guys finish, but I have to care about me giving it 100% at the end of the race. I can't not let all the early morning swims and runs be for nothing. I want my wife and kids to talk proudly about me and how I tried my hardest and competed. I am no longer racing to complete, but I am there to compete. (Cue theme music). I am ready to make this year a great one. I am ready to run more than last year, ride more than last year and swim further than last year, but most important, I am ready to push it harder than I did last year. That's my goal for my 2012 race season. I will bring it!