Friday, September 28, 2012

Im gonna kill that mouse....

I have a new obsession. I have a mouse that is using my fence and rooftop as his superhighway. I have discovered that he lives under my neighbors shed, and he scampers under my fence, climbs my walls and scurries his disease plagued mouse butt over my roof and through my gutters. It drives my dog, Bella girl crazy, it drives me crazy and I am going to kill it.

My Plan:

First thing was to learn about this mouse creature. How does it think? What makes him tick? Why does he have a death wish?? Once I was able to determine these things, I learned  favhisorite path to take, its favorite hiding places and its preferred escape routes, then I was able to spring into action. I am planning for an all out war, cause there is never just one mouse. NEVER!

So I dusted off my old BB gun. Then I had to go buy more BB's cause mine were like 25 years old and only had like 7 shots left. So off to the store I go and I bought a whole canister of BB's. Silver BB's so I am also protected against vampires if need be.

Then, I went to Lowe's and purchased 4 Mouse death traps! The big ones. I told you, I wasn't missing around. I placed peanut butter on the death plate for the mouse to nibble on, right before its neck is broken! (I have no idea how the trap actually works, it looks like it bites them) My strategy was to place a trap in different locations where I know this varmint likes to travel, kinda like a gas station stop along his route. I placed them behind the deck box, one on the other side of the fence, and two on the roof. So I was set, nothing left to do but sit and wait.

I waited patiently but I never heard a snap or little mouse yelps. Only thing I heard was my dog barking crazily! IT"S GO TIME. So, out I go, flashlight and BB gun in hand. Ima gonna kill that mouse!

So my flashlight is basically taped to the barrel of my BB gun as I covertly ease into position where the dog is barking and light that area up, pointing the gun ready to squeeze off a BB into that mouse's head! But I don't see him...anywhere. So here I go, 11PM at night, I have a flashlight on my BB gun and I am sneaking around my backyard like I am hunting Bin Laden. I move in closer to our deck box to check the trap I set.  Nothing is in the trap, but I think I see something moving, So I move in closer,  when out of now where, this crazy mouse must have wanted to go all WWE on me and comes flying at me off the roof. (OK, maybe he fell out of the gutter, but it looked like he was attacking). So I am locked and loaded and trying to get a shot off without putting a hole in my back window or myself, when he scurries under the fence, totally avoiding a second trap I set. I climb on a ladder leaning against the fence so  I can  easily look over and maybe fire off a shot. As soon as I get up on the fence and poke my head over the fence, my neighbors black cat is sitting there watching the mouse get away and then lets out the creepiest meow ever, causing me to jump from the ladder backwards, with a flashlight and loaded BB gun. Stupid cat,  I almost shot him and me! So now the cat is on my list.

So the mouse got away...that time.

So, I go back in the house to look for some camo face paint (I am determined), to regroup and to let him think I have gone to bed for the night, but I haven't. I am just giving him a false sense of security that it is safe for him to comeback out, because IT"S NOT OVER MR. MOUSE!!!

So I wait until the time is right. 12 midnight. By this time, the whole family is asleep, so it is man vs. mouse. Mano y mouse-o. And once again, my faithful Bella girl starts barking again, staring up at the roof. I grab my gun, place a BB in the chamber and I am out, swinging my BB gun around like I am clearing a house of insurgents. But, I see nothing. I conduct a check of the perimeter... I know he is somewhere close, wiggling his nose and thinking he is being all quiet. But he doesn't know that I am about to go into mouse mode, where I start thinking like a mouse, where would I be hiding if I knew death was near???

The lawn mower in the corner, plenty of cover!! So I go into stealth mode once again, utilizing all my ninja skills (I haven't used them since I did the Warrior Dash back in April). I look at Bella girl who is trained to kill anything that breeches our fence (not really) and I give her the signal to stay back. Bella girl obeys and sits, ready to pounce. (OK, I know Bella Girl is not a tough sounding name, but don't judge). I carefully, slowly walk over to where the lawn mower is and grab the handle. I give a look back at Bella girl, letting her know it is about to get real up in here for Mr. Mouse. She looks at me like "I got your back" or maybe it is more of a "Are you serious?" look, it was hard to tell since it was dark.

So I take a deep breathe, hand is still on the handle of the lawn mower as I prepare my weapon, aiming for anything that moves once I move the mower. 1...2...3! And as soon as I jerk the mower, a freaking bird come screeching out at me, flying by my head. Ok, I never really saw the bird, but judging by the sound of the flapping wings that were heading for me as I was dropping my BBgun and falling on my butt, it could have been mulitple birds, or worse...Bats!  Thank God I bought the silver BB's! What kind of bird makes it home in a lawnmower??? Birds aren't suppose to fly at night are they? My heart was beating a hundres miles an hour!

Long story short, that mouse is still at large. I will not give up the fight. I will prevail. I will kill that mouse so help me. You remember how I handle the geese that were messing with me? Well, mouse, it is sooo on!


  1. I believe in you honey! Thanks for protecting us from Speedy Gonzalos.

  2. Hilarious! Have you tought about some plastic explosives shaped like a squirrel? :-)

    1. I want to buy a Falcon or a Hawk! How cool would htat be?


Please leave me a comment on my blog and let me know what you think, good or bad, I can take it, and thanks for stopping by! Sorry for the word verification, but the spammers be spamming...