Wednesday, April 23, 2008

America's newest Epidemic!

Ok people, we have a problem here. I do not know how wide spread this epidemic goes, but, the USA is being plagued by this problem. No, I am not talking about the economy or the high gas prices (how can the price go up everyday anyways?), I am talking about something much more devious and there are just too many of them out there and it is time someone stood up and spoke against it!

I am talking about the faux hawk! The greatest problem that the American guys ages 18-30 are facing! The faux hawk hairstyle is an approximation of a Mohawk, made without shaving or buzzing the hair on the sides of the head, allowing an imitation of the look of a true Mohawk without having to commit to removing most of one's hair. It was popularized by the British soccer star David Beckham and American Idol host Ryan Seacrest.

Personally, I hate the faux hawk and think it’s gay. In the above paragraph that is so eloquently written, I noticed a couple things that just scream “This is wrong!” regardless of my own opinion that they look gay.

1. There is no commitment to this hairstyle, if one can call it that! There is no shaving of the hair! So this means any Joe Blow can do this hairstyle, all they need is a lot of gel. A LOT OF GEL! Maybe they think they look like a rocker, but can smooth it down when mom is around! Nice try twinkletoes, but we all know why you do not commit and shave the hair for a real Mohawk…because it looks stupid also! Unless you are under 8, then it is cute. A guy I work with tried to pull off that hair style at work, he walked up to me proud and cool and all I could muster to say to him was "Dude, seriously?"

2. Second reason I hate the faux is it was made popular by David Beckham! Mr. Pretty boy!! Woo, look at me America!! I married a Spice Girl, everyone look at me! I play soccer in America and I have been a bust so far!!!
I host American Idol and get paid millions for nothing! Be like me everybody!!!

And the last reason I hate the faux hawk? One word…


America, send me pictures of faux hawks you see here in Memphis. Email them to me at and I will post them here and we can vote on the worst faux hawk!

1 comment:

  1. The faux hawk is geigh...confirmed!

    (so were most of the people you mentioned/pictured...'cept Becks for sure)


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