Monday, June 4, 2012

You've Been Put on Notice...

Everyday that I go running at a very rapid pace on a certain route, I encounter the same problem, day after day, and I am fed up with it. When I run, I am just minding my business, not making eye contact, staying out of everyones way, but still they decide to mess with me and I am sick of it. It has gotten to the point that I am altering my routes because of this and it is messing up my mileage.

A little background:

About a mile from my humble abode, where we try to live peaceably, pay our taxes, raise our children and be environmentally conscience is a nice pond/walking/running trail. We used to take the kids there when they were younger to feed the ducks and to go fishing. Ahh, we have great memories there. Around the pond is a walking track . On a hot day, the wind will come off the water and provide a nice cool breeze. The entire track is approximately 1/3 mile, but it works in well with my route that I do and is a very vital part of it.

But every Spring/early summer, they think they own the place. I have tried to be the more mature person and not let it get to me, I try, really try to stay out of peoples way and to myself, but they won't let me just run by. It always ends up in a chase,  it's not always an interval day people, I do not like being chased away from the track. I have as much right to be there as they do, maybe more in fact. I feel like I am being bullied.

But NO MORE. I am going to stand up to this hideous creature who thinks they own the pond and walking track. I am taking it back. I am just not sure how to do it. I am not a violent guy by nature, but if you keep poking the bear, the bear is going to wake up. So let me put them on notice:

Yes, my mortal enemy is a stupid goose. I hate this thing and I am certain it is the same dang goose every time, but I can't be sure cause they do all look alike and sound alike, and what is with all the hissing???  What is that all about? And I won;t even get into how they crap all over the place, I mean ALL.OVER. THE. PLACE.  I get that is is just trying to protect its babies, or whatever little geese are called, but honestly, I don't even see any little geese around when he starts chasing me. I think it is just an old cranky bully of a goose. This goose is looking for a fight. I am sure that I am not the only one he is after, but he messed with the wrong runner/triathlete!

So what are my options? A loaded .380 pistol. How do you beat up a goose? I have seen tons of videos with geese chasing people and everyone just laughs and laughs at it, well, I don't find that crap funny. It is time we stand up to the gooses all across this country. It is time for the goose to start running from us. So, I googled "How to fight a goose" and it came back with over 21,000 results! So I am not the only one looking into this, I am just the only one willing to blog about it, last time I checked a goose can;t read a blog! So, no...I am not afraid.

So here is the best advice I found on fighting a goose was on a bodybuilding forum. You can use it if you want:

No, this is not me, it's my hair is longer
They can hit pretty hard with their beaks. Just remember to maintain eye contact. That is probably the most important rule when facing down a goose (or any number of them, they like to fight in packs.) Also another important strategy is to spread your lats out, this will intimidate them. If the challenge is accepted the goose will spread its wings out as a sign to commence battle. The best way to start off the fight is to run straight at it and flap your arms while still spreading your lats (hard to do, but easily accomplished with a few weeks training.) The goose will either be scared off at this point, or ready to take you on. If the latter is true, prepare for a long fight because once a goose decided to attack, he's in it to win it.

Wait, what?  Spread my lats??  I am a triathlete, I have no lats! I was looking for something like, squirt them with water, or yell really loud and scare them away! I really do not want them to accept the challenge, I just want to run by them, that's all! I mean I was the guy that fed you ungrateful fowl creatures geese. Show me some love!  Or I will have to start working on my lats!

Have you ever encountered a problem animal in your training on more than one occasion??


  1. haha. Geese are mean! good luck

  2. Had a dog come out of the bushes at us on our ride this weekend and scare the crap out of me. Mostly I don't have issues though. I guess I should be wary of the geese near the fire pond on my Scholastic route though.

    1. I hate seeing a dog running free while on my bike as well!

  3. Ha, love the line in the advice that the goose is "in it to win it" :-). Good luck!

    1. I will overcome! His goose is cooked!

  4. You go show those geese who's boss!!!

  5. As funny as this is, its also not funny, they are freaking MEAN!!!!

  6. I once saw a goose pull a razor blade right out of his wing and knife someone.

    Seriously though, they are crazy birds! Out for blood!


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